I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
