I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
