Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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