Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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