I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
