I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize