My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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