Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
