Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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