You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
