He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
