So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
