I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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