please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
