why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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