She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
