he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
