He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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