I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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