I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
