Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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