I'm drive I can fine osifer
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
