i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
