I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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