I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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