I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
