Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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