Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
