I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
