Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if only i could text you this smell
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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