I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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