He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
