so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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