Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
