Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
