A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
