Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
