Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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