Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dick very happy bro
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
