i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
