turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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