i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
