areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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