I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
