I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
my liver is dry heaving
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
