i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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