Ambien. No doubt about it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
