and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
