And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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