i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
