I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
