If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
