My first STD was from a foam party
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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