She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
