FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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