my sisters under your porch take her home
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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