We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
