saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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