note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
