My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
