I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
