once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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