i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
