Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
