I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm always down for nudity.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
